[00:00:00] Detective Ev: Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Health Detective Podcast by Functional Diagnostic Nutrition. My name is Evan Transue, aka Detective Ev. I will be your host for today’s show about personal development.
My guest with me today is Kate House. We will not be focusing so much on crazy health issues today. That’s always good to kind of take a break from, I think. Because when I’m constantly interviewing about it and when you guys are constantly listening to it, it is important and it’s very inspiring to hear these stories, but you’re constantly thinking about the diseases that people go through. So, it is healthy to switch it up.
I like to switch it up with business or personal development content because you really can’t lose with this. On one end, most of our FDN practitioners or health coaches who listen to this show, they are entrepreneurs, or they want to move into a more entrepreneurial role. So, the business stuff helps out. But on the personal development side, whether you are on a health journey or a business journey, this is something that you’ve probably realized by now, those are personal development journeys.
There is no one that gets a massively successful business without having to go through personal growth. You do not overcome tricky health challenges without engaging in personal growth. And there’s a million other ways that this applies. If someone becomes a natural bodybuilder, they are going to have to go through a personal growth phase, if not just a whole journey, to get to where they want to go, right?
About Kate House
This can be contributed to a lot of different areas of our lives, but certainly health is one of them. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t come out better personally on the other side of their health journey because they had to, to get to where they wanted to go. So, Kate House, our guest today is someone who focuses a lot on that.
She is a certified health coach, but she’s more of a traditional health coach. I think this is a nice refreshing change up in our routine on this show because she actually is going to help us focus on the mindset stuff and the changes that need to be made. It is amazing to focus on the labs and the science, clearly that is my preference. But I also have been doing this long enough to know that if we ignore the other stuff, you’re not going to get a lot of people well. You have to help them through the journey.
Kate House can be found running around her small town of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania with her two little boys as a stay-at-home mom and a wife to her college sweetheart. By night she is the host of the Live by Design Podcast, health coach, educator, meditation enthusiast, slow but steady runner, and creator of her women focused personal growth group, the LBD Collective.
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania’s actually not too far from myself, and we found out she went to high school probably 20 – 25 minutes away from where I went to high school. Small world, right?
It’s her purpose in life to help others release personal growth overwhelm, get unstuck, and finally take the action to launch in the direction of your dreams. Together, she wants to help people live by design, not by default.
Personal Development: Live by Design, Not by Default
I love this because I look at this as living intentionally. It’s something that I was very fortunate, blessed, actually, to get exposed to at 18 years old.
Most people are kind of going through their lives like a ship without a map. Like could you imagine that? And it sounds ridiculous, but this is what most people do. They set the ship to sail, and yet no one knows where it’s going. So, you don’t know if you’ve ever arrived.
You don’t know if you actually got there and you’re just hoping for the best. Well, that’s not going to go so well. In fact, probably one out of a thousand times, is that going to work out favorably for the ship versus someone who lives intentionally or lives by design, as Kate talks about. If you have that map and you have that goal, yes.
Unfortunately, there are some crazy things that could happen, one out of a thousand times, that maybe lead that ship to not getting there. But a ship with an intention, 999 times out of a thousand, yeah, it’s going to probably get to where it wants to go. Certainly, those are worthy odds to pursue. So, we will be talking today about how to live by design and the personal growth aspects of the health journey or of a business journey.
Without further ado, let us get to today’s episode. Alright. Hello there, Kate, and welcome to the Health Detective Podcast. How are you?
[00:03:58] Kate House: Ah, I’m so great. Thank you so much for having me here. I am super looking forward to this conversation.
Personal Development: Goal Setting & Mindset
[00:04:03] Detective Ev: Me too.
Her and I were talking before we ever started recording, it’s one of those rare cases where we’re actually relatively local to each other, still to this day – both Pennsylvanians. She went to a high school that is 25 minutes, 30 minutes from where I live right now. It’s not the first time that happened. I didn’t tell you this off air, there was someone else on here that I’ve never met in person. She lives in Florida now; she went to Council Rock North and we’re the same exact age.
We would’ve been the same year too and just never knew each other, but then met through online world. It’s kind of cool. I like that aspect of the online world. There are obviously the cons, but it’s amazing who you can get to meet and stuff.
Now, if you are clicking on this episode today, you might notice that it’s a little different than some of the other ones we post. We didn’t have any severe health issues in the title. The reason we brought this on is because you guys seem to love business stuff. It’s not that we’re necessarily talking directly about business stuff today, but there’s a personal development side that goes into health journeys or business journeys.
There’s goal setting, there’s mindset. I would go as far as to say that I really do believe that the biggest factor in people not succeeding in business 80 plus percent of the time is their own limiting beliefs and their relationship with themselves more than it is anything else.
Personal Development: Mindset Can Be Limiting
I have someone in my life, he’s my age, and he’s the first to admit this; I’m not being rude. He was terrible at school. He is not a traditionally intelligent person. He came out of college, didn’t even do anything related to his degree, and within three years was already doing a half a million dollars a year in a business that he created. Why that happened was because he doesn’t know that you’re not supposed to be able to do that.
He’s never not been profitable from day one. It’s like, oh wait, 18 months is the average time that the business should be profitable. No one ever told him, never knew so he just took off with it. Sometimes ignorance can be bliss. Kate, the problem is we get a lot of smart nerds at FDN and they’re overthinkers that kind of limit themselves.
So, before we get into the goal setting, self-love, all these things, I want to just explain to people how you actually got into the health side. You’re not someone that necessarily was dealing with crazy health issues yourself, but you did see it in family members. So, can we touch on that a little bit?
[00:06:02] Kate House: I’m an open book when it comes to my story. I’m Kate House and I’m the host of the Live by Design Podcast. The reason it’s called Live by Design, my unofficial tagline is that we’re choosing to live by design and not by default. I first heard that saying years ago, long before I ever had a business. I was working a nine to five, but I heard this saying and it put words to an experience that I had been living but I didn’t have a way to articulate it.
Personal Development: Be Where Your Feet Are
So, I heard live by design and not by default, I was like, that’s it. That’s the thing.
For me, I haven’t personally, I’ve been very fortunate, I haven’t gone through any huge health journeys or transformations. However, my younger brother was 18 months younger than me. When he was born, he’s autistic and a Type I diabetic and non-verbal.
He had to work so hard in life to communicate with others. He was one of the most joyful people I’ve ever known, despite the hardships that he worked through. Even at four years old, he had open heart surgery. So, this guy just, he went through so much, right? And I was there every step of the way.
One of my earliest memories was seeing my brother have a grand mal seizure. Because of that, I learned at a very early age what a gift it was to be in the body I was in, just to be dealt the hand that I was dealt. I felt like I had to live with purpose, not only for myself, but for my brother as well.
It was really this beautiful gift that he gave me of learning to really find joy and happiness in the present moment. He was one of the most present people I’ve ever known. That saying like, be where your feet are, David was always just in that moment. He taught me that. Then he also gave me the inspiration to, kind of like your friend, to ditch those limiting beliefs and just go for it. It’s definitely been a journey when you talk about personal development.
Personal Development: Helping Others Progress to Their Dreams
I used to be a perfectionist; I’ve always been a high achiever. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa, like I’m a total nerd. When you describe that person, I’m like, hi, it’s me. But with that, I’ve learned to let go of these expectations and the shoulds of others and just really listen to that small inner voice.
I started off in corporate America. I was like this is great and all, but it’s not quite the right fit for me. It’s not lighting me up. If I want to live by design and not by default, I want to feel connected to something in my day-to-day life. So, I became a yoga teacher.
From there, I layered in a health coaching practice. I became a behavior change specialist, and now I’m a podcaster with like over 200 episodes, which still boggles my mind. I love just helping other women choose to live by design and not by default, to get unstuck, to ditch those feelings of overwhelm, and to make sustainable progress in the direction of their dreams. We really home in on the habits and the goals side to make that happen.
[00:08:52] Detective Ev: Excellent. This is cool. You are actually the traditional health coach then in a sense. We almost have to use that term as FDNs, just because it’s easier to market than saying, Functional Diagnostic Nutrition practitioner. Sounds pretty cool, but you don’t necessarily know what that is.
But I always specify to people, there is a huge difference between traditional health coaching and FDN. We need both of them. If you’re trying to address a chronic health issue, I don’t think you’re really going to be able to achieve that without both of them incorporated.
Personal Development: Total Transformation
You and I went through Institute of Integrative Nutrition. I should have mentioned that because I swear 25% to 30% of the FDNs that I talk to went through that program. And that is Health coaching. You are helping someone set these goals for themselves health wise, and helping them reflect, right?
So, it’s not a counselor but you are counseling them on some of the stuff that they’re doing or not doing health-wise. They might come to you with the health goals. They might come to you even with some things that they’ve already learned from labs or whatever, and you’re helping that person get through it.
One thing that Kate and I were talking about off air is the truth of the matter. It might be a little oversimplified, but most people could effectively implement FDN programs in about two or three one-hour sessions. Yet, no one has ever done that ever in our world because that’s not that simple.
There is the behavioral change that needs to happen, and it’s a personal development journey. The person that you are in that given moment with those health issues is not going to be the same one that you are when you have achieved the results that you want and conquered these things. That’s beautiful, but it also makes it tougher. It’s not just as simple as getting some lab results back.
One thing I gotta give you a huge compliment with is the ability to see the health challenges of someone else and start making changes in your own life to hopefully, not that you thought that you were going to get those specific things, that would be pretty rare, but just have any consequences health-wise.
Personal Development: If You Don’t Change Anything, Nothing Changes
I really only know a handful of people, and I’m obviously in this space, who are wise enough to be like, oh, that’s happening to someone else. Hmm, that could happen to me. I’m going to give up some of these short-term pleasures to prevent something more serious down the road. So, huge testament there.
How did this start for you in terms of like actually working with clients? Was that nerve-wracking going from the corporate side, to be like, all right, I’m a business owner working one-on-one, or groups, whatever it is you might be doing.
[00:11:01] Kate House: When I left my corporate job, I loved my colleagues. They’re people I’m still close with to this day. But I just was so anxious in that position, stressed. I was having nightmares about my work email crashing, and I just realized nothing changes if nothing changes.
I like to jump into things with both feet so when I first started, it’s been this series of shifts, right? When I first started teaching yoga, I would get into the studio and my voice was shaking. There were so many weird words that came out when I was first learning how to cue the physical postures. But with repetition you get more confident.
I did that for about three to four years. By the end of that time, I could walk into a room and really confidently lead a group of 30, 40 people for 60 minutes, and I’m the only one talking that whole time. When I first started teaching, I had so many notes. I had to figure it out by doing. That’s what I’ve learned in life is that you figure out the next right step by taking action. If you don’t change anything, nothing changes.
Personal Development: The Ripple Effect
It sounds so like, duh, Kate, when you say it, but it’s true. So, I started as a yoga teacher. Then I layered in the health coaching cause I had students who, in a lot of my yoga teaching, I was bringing in these personal development lessons. I was bringing in positive psychology, just things that I personally like totally nerd out about.
They would hear this in class, then they wanted to go a step deeper. I was like, well, I would love to, but I need to make sure I’m doing that from a place of having the right education. That’s when I did IIN like you had mentioned. Working with people one-on-one feels like a really big responsibility. You know, you want to serve them well, you want to support them well, and really encourage them in this transformation journey. I enjoyed it so much.
That’s why I started my podcast. I was like, how can I just share some of these takeaways with more people? At IIN, we talk a lot about this ripple effect where we show up as our true, beautiful, authentic selves, and there’s this ripple effect that inspires other people, encourages them, gives them permission to do that in their lives as well.
So often I find in my coaching practice, we start with something, a health-related thing, right? I want to sleep better. I want to feel energetic in my body. I want to fuel my body with foods that blesses it, whatever it might be for that person. But so often it is this personal growth journey.
We talk about mindset, we talk about self-love, we talk about core values or a personal sense of purpose. It’s this whole picture of the person and it’s really beautiful to see.
Personal Development: A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats
We were saying off air before we started recording how a rising tide lifts all boats. It’s really neat to see, and I’m sure you’ve seen this in your experience too. We really lean into this health side of things. While our health is growing and we’re getting stronger and more confident, all these other areas of our life become a little bit more intentional and rises up as well.
[00:13:50] Detective Ev: It’s one of many vehicles. You can see this so many places in life. It doesn’t mean that every single person unfortunately, learns to apply the same personal development principles to all areas of their life. But it’s really common that you see someone.
I’m going to talk about natural bodybuilders. It’s very common that I see the natural bodybuilder that also has great relationships and good finances and they’re doing something that they love to do. Similarly, we see a ton of people here that get their health under control, and then all of a sudden, the money starts coming in, all of a sudden, that broken relationship is also healed.
It’s not always so simple but a lot of the same things can be applied into multiple areas. Really, it’s pick your vehicle. Whatever you want to do, do it. Most likely it’s health, because that’s probably what you got forced into if you’re listening to a podcast like this. Then it just works almost effortlessly sometimes into other areas of your life to shift it there. It’s pretty powerful.
Before we talk about specific techniques or certain things that you’ve learned, goal setting, all this stuff, one thing that I think would be highly beneficial to the audience is we have so many females listening that also are becoming, or already are entrepreneurs.
Women Owned Businesses Are Profitable
This is a universal problem with entrepreneurship. Especially for females, I can’t really speak fully, I’m only speaking from hearing from people. I don’t know if it’s because traditionally in the world there was a time, not that long ago, men dominated all of these spaces.
I don’t know if limiting beliefs come from there or whatever it might be. But the truth of the matter is, and this isn’t just motivational stuff, this is factual. Women own businesses are doing phenomenally. They are doing way better than a lot of men owned businesses, they’re way more profitable.
If any of you guys watch Shark Tank, the show, it’s based out of the US. It’s a business investing thing. One of the sharks, I remember him saying that all of his female owned businesses were profitable. This was like eight seasons into the show. And all of his men owned ones were not profitable after eight seasons of the show, which is kind of crazy. So, ladies, there’s no reason to have limiting beliefs, but it’s also not just as simple as me listing off a statistic.
For you, Kate, what would be some advice to women who are out there. They know in their heart they want to do this; they do want to be an entrepreneur. They want to let themselves flow creatively, but they’re scared. They’re like, wow, I’ve never done this. Most of them have had jobs before, but some are actually coming from a more stay-at-home mom life and then want to get into this world. It can be tough. So, do you have advice for them as they’re growing into that?
Quick Commercial Break – Health Space Unmasked
Hey there friends. It is Detective Ev popping in here really quickly. I have a special announcement. If you’ve ever been interested in applying functional medicine to your pets, yes, your fluffy friends can get functional medicine too, we’ve got some good news.
You might have heard of our monthly event before; it’s called the Health Space Unmasked. It’s completely free. What we do is we bring in Reed Davis, the founder of FDN, with a big expert in the functional medicine space. We go live for a couple of hours. There’s usually a hundred plus people on, and that’s growing by the month. People can actually ask questions and interact with the guests that we have.
This time, it is going to be Dr. Ruth Roberts. She is talking all about, you guessed it, how to apply functional medicine to your pets. How you can register for this to get the free link is by simply going to fdntraining.com/unmasked. If you want, you can just go to the show notes after this episode or right now, click on it and make sure you get registered so that you can learn how to do some functional medicine with your pets.
All right, now back to today’s episode.
Personal Development: Be Your Own Permission Giver
[00:17:13] Kate House: I love that question. I really appreciate the way that you phrased that. Absolutely, there are a couple things come to mind. The first is to do it scared.
Oftentimes, the thing that’s on your heart to do it starts off as like this little whisper inside your heart. For me, I’ve had these people in my life where before I became a yoga teacher, I had been thinking about wanting to make that change. Then one day out of the blue my husband turned to me and was like, babe, I think you’d be a great yoga teacher. I was like, hot dang. Yeah. Okay, let’s do this.
Then for a while I’ve been thinking to myself like, I think I want to start a podcast. Then my best friend texted me out of the blue and was like, hey Kate, I think you should start a podcast. And I was like, oh my God, it’s happening again. So, listen to that little voice inside of you. And if you need somebody to encourage you, wait for that person to do it or have a conversation with somebody that you can kind of brainstorm it with. But listen to yourself. You can be your own permission giver.
Personal Development: Applying Gifts in the Season You’re In
The other thing that I would say is to give yourself permission to grow slow, to build a really strong foundation. For example, and I can really only speak to my own personal experience, but I started my podcast in the summer of 2020. I know it’s such a 2020 thing to do to start a podcast.
But I was home, I had a one-year-old and a two-and-a-half-year-old at the time. My husband works full-time, and he was working from home. I was like, well, there’s never going to be a better time than now, because we’re here all the time. I’ve got more support with the kids than ever, and I was a full-time stay-at-home mom.
I had this desire to be, to have this identity, to show up in this world, to have my motherhood, but I didn’t want to be defined by my motherhood. I love my children so much. Being their mom is my most favorite thing in the whole world. However, I still wanted to honor the yoga teaching that I had done. I wanted to honor the health coaching.
I was like, you know what? I think a podcast is the way that I can do it. For me, in that season of life, that’s another thing, take into account the season you’re in. In that season I had little children. I was the primary caregiver. I still am, my kids are still home. They haven’t started school yet. I had to find a way to show up and to serve and to use my gifts in a way that worked in that season.
Personal Development: Taking Small Foundational Steps
A podcast was perfect cause I could get my kids down for a nap. I could record a quick episode, edit it up, and get it scheduled to go out the next week.
Now I’m three plus years into this journey, I have over 200 podcast episodes. I’ve guested on a bunch of shows. But if I had started off thinking like, I want to get this one specialty, and I want to host a virtual summit, and I want to have a group coaching program and a masterclass, I would’ve felt so overwhelmed to have been like, heck no, I’m out.
Give yourself permission to start to do it a little scared, maybe feel a little trepidatious. But take small steps. Record that first episode, go for that first walk, hire your first coach, like a business coach, whatever that looks like for you, right? Get the website, start small and allow it to grow from there. Carve out those pockets of time in your day and be really intentional with that time.
When I sit down, I don’t know if you’ll see the video of this, but I’m recording this in my home office and when I sit down at this desk, I light a candle, I put on my noise canceling headphones, and I’m out of motherhood mode. I know that my kids are with a sitter. They’re with my husband, they’re with somebody, they’re safe. I am in work mode, and I get stuff done when I’m in work mode.
Personal Development: Fear of Failure
I know a lot of you listening are high achievers. You’re incredibly talented. You can get it done. You have to turn off your phone. You know, get off of the scrolling, the doom scroll, right? Don’t compare yourself to other people and where they are because you are in this season of life, and you have something to share and to give.
If you just dial it in, you will make progress, even if it’s just a handful of time. That adds up over time to something really beautiful. So, do it scared. Use those pockets of time and get help and support and education where you need it.
[00:20:54] Detective Ev: This is excellent. I love this advice of just starting.
I’m sure there’s many reasons, but I think the obvious reason people never do this is cause they are afraid to fail. They’re afraid to be seen in a negative light by other people. I don’t know where this came from cause I certainly didn’t always have this. I actually had the opposite.
I don’t know if you ever heard this in one of the podcasts that you listened to, but I ended up, it was kind of a weird transition in my life. I’d never graduated high school. I got kicked out. There was a lot of bad stuff happening, just substance use and mental health at the time, which ironically was one of the things that got me into the health space, and I’m thankful for that. But my self-perception, whether or not this is good or bad, it’s not what I’m debating, it’s just it led to something half decent.
Personal Development: Our Time Here Is Limited
My self-perception at the time was I’m a loser. But then I got into this personal development stuff. It was forced down my throat by some friends of mine at the time. I started to actually benefit from this loser self-perception because I had no fear. In my head, I was already as low as I could be.
Now, of course, that wasn’t actually true. Looking back, you can unfortunately always go lower and always go higher. But in my head, it was so bad that I had no fear to try new things or to engage with public speaking or whatever it might be, because anything almost was a step up from where I was at.
I don’t want people to go through pain, but I almost wish I could give everyone those experiences. Because the truth of the matter is our time here is so limited. So, I start to ask, like there are 50, 60-year-olds that still think like this. I’m like, what day do you stop caring? Like you’re going to not be here someday and you’re missing out on all these wonderful gifts and unique opportunities that were meant for you, right?
And it doesn’t matter what branch of spirituality you’re in. If you have even some shred of this, even if you’re an atheist, like obviously you have unique things that you can offer the world that would just be a commonsense thing you would imagine. And how much of that is the world missing out on because you were too afraid to not look that great when you first started?
Personal Development: You Gotta Start Somewhere
I dare anyone to go back to the first podcast that I did even on here. And I had already been doing podcasting for a couple of years. I was speaking so fast because I had never done paid podcasting. FDN now hired me to do this and I’m super nervous. I don’t want to screw it up for them. Yet, I’m still speaking super-fast and published these episodes. I speak fast, but it’s more excited as opposed to nervous, and it’s more controlled than it ever was before. You gotta start somewhere.
Your business is not going to be perfect overnight. All these people that you look at that you’re jealous of or you’re feeling envy with, they started at a similar place to where you started, I can almost guarantee that. No one walked into the gym and was super jacked. No one had a business just be super successful overnight. At the very least, these cases are so rare that they’re not even worth paying attention to.
So, I think that’s great advice. I hope it’s taken to heart. This isn’t something I came up with, but I can’t remember wherever where I got it from. If something scares and excites me at the same time, it’s probably a pretty good thing to be going and doing.
You and I had talked about some topics we could explore before we got on air with goal setting and self-love or whatever, but are there common themes and issues that are coming up with the people that you work with? I know it’s primarily; I believe you said 25 to 40, 45-year-old women, something in that age range.
Personal Development: Taking Care of Everyone Else First
[00:23:54] Kate House: Well, it’s funny cause the women that I work with are where I was just a handful of years ago. I just want to be that person that reaches a hand out and is like, there is hope, there is a solution. We can do this together.
Yeah, I would say they’re high achieving women who expect so much of themselves. They want to show up so well for the people in their lives, whether it’s their family, whether it’s their career, whether it’s their education, that their health and their wellbeing gets put on the back burner. They are taking care of everyone else first.
They’re just pouring and pouring and pouring into the people that they love, which is so beautiful. But they get to the end of the day and they’re just like, ugh, I’ve got nothing left for me. So, I’m just going to click on the TV and eat a snack that feels good at the time and stay up too late and then, roll into bed when I’m exhausted.
There’s nothing wrong with that. I certainly have had my share of those nights. I still choose sometimes to sit down and watch a movie and enjoy that process, right? But we want to be living by design and not by default. That’s the through line with all the women I work with is we have this deep desire for either a shift or a change or to just feel more vibrant or energetic or just connected to our lives. Sometimes we get into this default mode and sometimes that happens because it’s like you’re just trying to survive the day.
Personal Development: Pockets of Time for Self-Care
Like certainly back during the pandemic, I had two little kids, I was the main caregiver. My husband was working from home and like honestly just surviving the day. The goal every day was like, I gotta keep these humans alive. I get to the end of the day, and I was exhausted and felt so depleted. I knew in my mind the things that I should be doing or could be doing to feel better, but I just couldn’t even get there. I was just so, I got nothing left, you know?
I think it’s this idea of how can we layer into those pockets of time I talked about earlier. Whether it’s for your business or for your own self-care, you can find these little pockets of time where you can layer in these purposeful habits that pour into yourself.
Now as a parent, especially, there’s this saying, you have to pour into yourself first before you can pour into other people. But I wake up and my kids need to be fed and the dog needs to be let out. I have to care for other people first oftentimes. So, what are ways that we can, throughout our day, care for ourselves?
Well, does that look like, over your lunch break going for a walk and taking out the earbuds and getting connected with your body and your breath and moving? It could look like at the end of the day; you click off the screen an hour before bedtime and you sit, and you read an actual physical book. There are all these different ways that we can pour into our wellbeing, whether it’s our physical health, mental health, emotional health.
Personal Development: Overlearning & Oversaturating Our Minds
That’s really the through line with everyone I work with. They feel a little stuck or they feel a little overwhelmed and they just want to get clear and focused.
The other thing I find too, with those of us who are high achievers, is we do all the reading, we listen to all the podcasts, we watch the YouTubers, we watch the documentaries, and we get stuck in this cycle of learning, learning, learning. I’ve been there, so I know. We overlearn and we kind of oversaturate our minds.
We don’t leave the time to just sit with what we’ve learned to decide what parts of what we’ve learned we want to take and apply to ourselves. What do we want to say like, yeah, that’s a great idea, but it’s not for me. Then leave the time to actually implement it. We get stuck in this overlearning phase. Then we know, quote, “know” what we should be doing, quote “should be doing”. But we’re not leaving the time to reflect and to implement. Then we just feel like we’re falling behind and we feel overwhelmed, and we feel stuck.
A lot of the work that I do, I go down the research rabbit hole cause I’m a nerd and I love that. In my women’s group coaching program, for example, every month we do a different topic. We did self-love last year and I went down the rabbit hole of like, let me do all the learning for you. Then during our coaching time together, I’m like, okay, let me share with you the best of what I’ve learned and here are the different ways we can implement it.
Personal Development: Knowing but Not Changing
We do a journaling night every month. That’s that time we need someone to tell us, like hit pause. It’s okay to slow down and to decide, based on what I’ve learned, what do I implement, what do I release, and how do I layer it in as a habit that I can come back to time and time again?
[00:28:01] Detective Ev: Awesome. One of the things that I found so interesting, and I don’t know if it was Tony Robbins or someone similar who said something like this, but I’ll never forget it. It was, what could you do better right now, I think they said in finances, health, and maybe relationships?
I’m someone who works on myself. And right now, without even having to put in much effort, I could come up with answers. I could definitely do this better with finances. I could absolutely do this better with health. And here’s how I could improve my relationship, right? We kind of all know, even without reading or learning anything new. I am always able to answer those questions. So, it’s really hard to make the argument that it’s not just mindset outside of this or personal beliefs or something else.
I think what’s interesting is with a lot of these high achieving people and women that if we ask them what they should do so that they’re not constantly burning themselves out or all this stuff, they would know the answer. So, how do you help them make that mindset shift? Because again, they really do know what they should do, but it’s not being done.
Personal Development: You Are Worthy
I do believe that, especially like the moms out there and stuff, of course they’re selflessly helping others. But when someone is putting out so much that they’re hurting themselves in the same time that they’re actually helping others, yes, there’s an aspect of selflessness there, but I also think that does expand in a lot of people. Maybe they feel that the only way they get validated is by working themselves to the point that they’re exhausted or can’t go anymore. It’s more than just being selfless.
How do you help these people make that mindset shift or identify that in themselves? Because you’re preaching to the choir for us right now. Even if it’s, again, maybe we talk about more severe health issues on this podcast, this profile of the woman that you’re describing is identical to 90% of the people that I interview or people that we work with, I would say. So, how do you help them make that shift?
[00:29:45] Kate House: I would say, friend, you are worthy. You are worthy of feeling good. You are worthy of feeling energized. You are worthy of rest. You are worthy of pouring time and energy and resources into being the person you really want to show up as. You are worthy of not being burnt out, you are worthy of feeling vivacious and vibrant.
Now, maybe not every single day, we go through hard seasons of life, but you are so worthy. My encouragement would be to make yourself a priority in your life, the same way you prioritize the people you love, the same way you prioritize your career or your education or whatever that looks like. You are worthy of being at that same level of importance in your own life.
Personal Development: Where is This Lack of Self-Worth Coming From?
Here’s the tough love approach, nobody can go to the gym for you. Nobody can eat the foods that bless your body. Nobody can make you go to bed. These are all things that you have the agency to implement, but you just have to know that you are worthy of that intentionality.
This is a generalization, but as a mom especially, sometimes we can feel like it’s this badge of honor to always be busy or to do all the things for everybody, and yeah, we get burnt out. The thing that I would just say is that you’re worthy and you’re worthy of having goals for yourself outside of your motherhood or your parenthood or your career. You can have interests that you pursue just because you love them, and they make you feel joyful in the day to day.
Just like a reminder that you have so much worth, and you can choose to pour into that in whatever way speaks to you.
[00:31:27] Detective Ev: Do you think that there is a more common theme than not in terms of where these women lose their sense of self-worth? Is it society, and that could be social media or something else? Have they gone through trauma? I mean, I’m sure that comes up some of the time.
I’m just wondering what the core theme seems to be, because I hear this all the time. I do believe society, I don’t know if it’s always the cause, but I know it’s not helping any situation. Where do you think? At least the woman that you work with, I know that’s what you can speak on, where is this lack of self-worth coming from? Cause we’re seeing it all the time.
Personal Development: Showing up Perfectly or Not at All
[00:31:56] Kate House: That’s such a great question. I was reading an article on; I think it was either Psychology Today or verywellmind.com recently. It was talking about the societal pressures that are put on women specifically to show up and do all the things and be expected to do it perfectly and to do it selflessly and all of these things. It leads us to giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, and not taking the time to pour into ourselves.
So, I think it can come from so many different places. I think it can come from culture, from society. I think it could come from our upbringing. It could come from just something you saw like in ads over and over and over again when you were a child, right? Like it can come from traumatic experiences, absolutely. It can come from so many different places.
But I do tend to think that, as women specifically, we feel this pressure to have to show up perfectly or not at all. Sometimes that can keep us stuck because it keeps us from trying something new. Like I had said earlier, like nothing changes if nothing changes. But if we’re so afraid of showing up and not being great at it, it keeps us from starting.
If we’re worried about somebody judging us, like, well, what will my friend think? Or what will this person say on social media or whatever, who cares? This person, they probably aren’t even thinking about you.
Personal Development: Gratitude Practices
And that’s the thing. We’re so worried about what other people think about ourselves, but in the end, like they’ll either be supportive, or they’ll check out, you know? I think it just comes back to this idea of how you live your day is how you live your life. Can you find these moments in your day that feel really good?
I’m a huge advocate for gratitude practices. My husband and I have a practice that we do with each other every single day, we’ve done it for years. It’s made our relationship closer. We share something specific that we’re grateful to the other person for in that day. Then we share something that we’re generally grateful for.
Sometimes the thing I’m generally grateful for, I’m like, gosh, I had the best cup of coffee, the kids were playing outside, and I had a quiet moment to myself; it was wonderful. And sometimes it’s just as simple as slowing down and noticing, right?
We can be so distracted with our phones, with our emails, with everything pinging and trying to get our attention. Sometimes it’s this matter of how can I focus and get back in touch with myself and what I actually desire and what lights me up? How can I get back in touch with that and let go of all these outside pressures? How can I just instead not get my validation or my sense of purpose from outside of me? How can I turn inward instead?
[00:34:20] Detective Ev: I don’t know that I necessarily have a solution to it other than just to not engage in it as much.
Personal Development: The Comparision Game
I love evolutionary psychology and biology. I find these things fascinating cause I do believe a lot of our problems, both men and women, it stems from this.
I’m a religious person at this point, not even just spiritual. I can still recognize that we have biological urges and needs on this planet. And one of those biological urges, it’s really the only reason we’re here from a biological perspective is to mate, reproduce, and help that offspring survive. I don’t want to simplify our existence; I’m just recognizing something that’s clearly true if we’re having an honest conversation.
I think what happens is whether people realize this is actually where it’s coming from or not, women see other women in a magazine or social media, or when men see other men, because men I think are just much less open to talking about this. But I cannot scroll on this thing for more than 30 seconds without seeing the most jacked dude I’ve ever seen. Right? Like it’s constant like lifting and they’re on steroids and they have their shirt off, all this kind of stuff, right? So, you’re comparing yourself to others.
But the issue with social media is you can automatically compare yourself to the top tiers in that area out of 7 billion people. You’re not really in competition with them but our primitive minds trick us into being in competition with them.
Personal Development: The Scrolling Blues
This all comes down to, again, not to make it sound so simple, but we are animals. In a tribal perspective, you would be competing for the best mate. I don’t necessarily know that me just stating this solves it. But what it does help me with is, if I go online and see some jacked up steroids, dude, I’m not actually competing with him. He can have a mate and I can still have a mate and we’re all good, right?
My girlfriend could see some whatever Victoria’s Secret model. First of all, the Victoria’s Secret model’s probably not going for me. But second of all, I’m not going for her. Like, we’re not competing. I love this girl. Right? So, it’s kind of weird because I think we trick ourselves and think that it’s coming from something more complex.
It’s like, no, the truth is we want to be the hottest and best-looking mate and we want to compete in this market. That is really where a lot of this stems from. I don’t know, at least for me, acknowledging that that is probably true and then realizing how silly it is because I’m not competing with some random person from England that I will never meet online. You can sometimes just turn these off or delete the apps. I don’t know about UK.
I find very little scrolling, and it’s not even necessarily just a comparison thing, I don’t know if it’s just the dopamine or whatever, very little scrolling makes me feel very crappy. Ten minutes of it, I just feel myself like wired and tired. It’s not a good stimulation at all. I’ll just delete the apps for the day. You can redownload them, but it also prevents that mindless scrolling.
Personal Development: Social Media for the Right Reasons
I don’t need to be on Instagram when I’m using the bathroom. If you have it on the phone already, you’ll find yourself just naturally clicking it. It’s muscle memory versus having to redownload it. Although it’s not a major inconvenience, it’s just enough that you’re like, Dude, I’m using the bathroom. I don’t need to redownload Instagram right now and then set up the account to do all this stuff. That’s just my small tip for it.
But I also believe that a lot of this stems from just biological urges that are totally fine, totally natural to have, but we need to be smart enough to override some of them and be realistic. Say, okay, I’m not competing with seven or whatever, 3.5 roughly billion men out there. You are not competing with 3.5 billion women out there. That’s insane. That’s never how it was supposed to be, obviously.
[00:37:33] Kate House: Yeah, and I think it comes back to just that intentionality piece, right? Like there are plenty of times that I have followed somebody who really inspired me, but if I ever find myself falling into that trap of comparison, that immediately puts you feeling less than.
When I go on social media, I want to connect with my friends. I want to be inspired by people who are in the same way that I, help the women that I work with, I’m maybe a couple steps ahead. I look to other women. I have a business coach. I’m in groups and programs and all the things, right? So, I want to go online and see the people who are a few steps ahead of me.
Personal Development: Creating Parameters
Maybe if there’s somebody who’s like a hundred steps ahead of you, maybe that’s where you start to fall into that space of like, oh, this doesn’t feel great. You can unfollow somebody. You can choose not to use the discover feature, right? Like, you can just look at the accounts that you choose to follow and be inspired by them.
I love that piece that you touched on as well, of just checking in with yourself and being like, how do I feel? Do I feel wired and tired because I should probably stop this.
In our family, we’re actually in this change up in the way that we use technology right now. I love technology. I mean, my whole business is run online, right? But we’re moving towards putting all of our social media apps on an iPad. That way you only use it when you’re using the iPad and when you’re really intentional about it.
We have a charging station set up on our first floor of our home where our cell phones go. We have tech free time. Our phones live downstairs when we go upstairs to bed. You know, different ways that we can just be intentional.
What you feed yourself physically is so important. What you feed your mind is just as important. So, if we’re on this journey of health and wellness and choosing to pour into our mindset and our self-love and our goals and all those things, like we have to be careful what we’re putting in as well. You know, creating some of those parameters for yourself can feel really freeing in a way.
Personal Development: Engaging in Nature
[00:39:08] Detective Ev: It is tough cause we literally use this for business and I’m thankful for it.
I started camping in the beginning of the pandemic. Even worse than you starting a podcast, I started camping, right? That was the next coolest thing to do. I now go to this spot, it’s a big campground. There are showers and stuff and people, you don’t feel unsafe, even if you’re new to it.
You don’t get any cell service for about the last 15 minutes driving in. I can’t just walk to the end of the campground and turn it on. I mean, you’re not getting anything, it’s not going to work. And I cannot believe the freedom that I feel being there.
All I have is some logs, some food, a tent. I got the car. Other than the car, it’s not much more than our most primitive ancestors would’ve had. Yet, I feel almost as good as I possibly could feel. It’s not a high. I think that’s what the issue is with today’s world, we run on these cycles of lows and highs. There is in between that, a nice, neutral calm that exists when we’re in harmony with what we’re supposed to be doing.
If we gotta engage in today’s world with social media and things like that, fine. I’m doing it right now and I’m not going to change that per se. But just remember that we’re already designed in such a way that less is more. Literally, all you need was already out there just waiting for you. If you choose to engage with it, you might feel more satisfaction and happiness than the best paycheck or whatever drugs you’ve taken in your life.
Personal Development: Setting Aspirational Goals
You will get a better feeling than any of those cheap highs. It doesn’t even compare.
One thing, Kate, I wanted to move to, to make sure that we get to talk about this today is these four areas of goal setting. I know our type A’s are going to love this on this show. I’m sure you’re going to have a healthy perspective and how to actually apply these things. So, why don’t we go through those four categories and then talk about how we can actually set those for ourselves. Cause I’m really interested too. I love goal setting.
[00:40:58] Kate House: I could talk about goals all day long. As we start this piece of the conversation, it’s important to remember that even when we’re in pursuit of goals, we have to remember to, like you were talking about in camping, to be present in our day-to-day lives.
Sometimes we can get so lost, especially as high achievers, in the pursuit of the goal that we forget to really find and cultivate that joy in our day to day. Just a little disclaimer while we talk about our goal setting. But yeah, when I approach goal setting, I think about setting goals that are aspirational, attainable, meaningful, and habit based.
Aspirational is the first piece. It’s like what could your future self, one year from now, do? With the skills you’re going to acquire and the skills you already have, and resources and energy and time and all of that, what is something aspirationally that you could do in a year if you really worked hard?
It’s probably a goal that puts some butterflies in your stomach cause you’re like, can I do that? It’s an aspiration, but you trust yourself enough to try.
Personal Development: Setting Attainable & Meaningful Goals
The next part is attainable. Let’s be realistic. You can see behind me right now; I have my vision board. I use these goal setting principles when I create my vision board. I want something that’s attainable. I don’t want it to be so easy that I could do it tomorrow.
Say I’m signing goals for a year, which is the cycle I usually use. I want it to be attainable within a year. One thing that I’m working towards is that all the money I make in my business, we put towards paying off our home mortgage early. If I were to say, I want to be debt free in our home in the next year, right now, that’s actually not attainable. That’s a goal that I could set, but I’d be setting myself up to not be successful, right?
Instead, I could break it down into something that’s attainable, maybe a stretch goal within the next year. Stretch goals keep you excited. They keep you motivated.
The next is that it has to be meaningful. This kind of ties into the earlier parts of our conversation, we feel these outside pressures of what we should be doing or what our parents want for us, or our friends or our partner or society at large, whomever. But we forget to set goals that mean something to us, right?
Sure, you can go out and do something that’s a goal that you felt pressured to do. As a high achiever, you could probably go out and rock it. That’s the hard thing, being a high achiever, we have to get back in tune with ourselves. Just because you could be good at it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the thing that is the next right step for you.
Personal Development: Setting Habit-Based Goals
Then the last thing is that it’s just habit based. So, once we have this aspirational, attainable, and meaningful goal, how can we break it up in such a way that you can work on it a little bit every single day?
There’s this whole idea of habit stacking and layering habits into your day that’s a whole other conversation. But how can you work towards that every single day?
For example, a goal I’m working towards are some specific goals for my business and the impact I hope to have with it. The habit I have is that I work from 6:00 to 8:00 AM every single day cause I am a stay-at-home mom, and my husband works from 8:00 – 4:30. In the evenings we like to cook together, we like to have family time together.
So, I wake up early. I’m not a morning person, but I do it cause the habit I’ve layered into my day is that I work for those two hours each weekday. That’s how I make slow but steady progress. So yeah, that’s my approach to goal setting.
[00:44:02] Detective Ev: It’s an awesome tip. When it comes to especially the world of online business, I think the world of online is weird because it’s made us more distracted than never before.
But if you can find a way to focus on this, you will get more done than our ancestors could have gotten done in their lifetimes. This is real because you have 16-year-olds, some of them are making $25,000, $30,000 a month online. It sounds incomprehensible, but you get these kids that are highly motivated, they’re excited, they’re willing to study online.
Personal Development: Faithful to the Purposeful Habits
I actually have found for myself, I’m more of a morning person now. But it is trained because I guess I was always a night owl my entire life before I got into the health stuff. I find that my best hours are those few in the morning.
I wrote a book more for myself. It’s not like something I advertise. I hardly ever talk about that on here. But when I was writing the book, I’d write in the morning mostly. Man, my mind is working so well. I haven’t been distracted by the day yet. I’m sure, I’m assuming you do something similar. It’s not like you’re checking social media and then going, doing these two hours, right? Like you’re leaving that kind of away.
[00:45:00] Kate House: Yeah. I wake up, I pour a cup of coffee, I fill up my giant Nalgene, that’s always by my side. I drink like three of these a day, huge advocate for hydrating. It’s free and it releases the brain fog. I make my protein smoothie and I come downstairs.
I’m really grateful that my husband is super supportive of the work that I do. He’s like, I got the kids, I got the dogs. I come down to my office in our basement and it’s like, I am not available to the family right now. They are all cared for. And yeah, I’m not scrolling social media. I’m not checking my text messages. Do I have text messages to return? You bet your buns I do. But I don’t do it during that time.
Personal Development: Focused and Flowing
I put on these headphones, I light my candle and I just use that energy. That for me in those early morning hours, my mind isn’t full of like, gotta call the kids pediatrician, I need to fill out his application for school, this and the other thing. I’m like, I’m just in it in those two hours.
I probably do six hours’ worth of work during those two hours because I have to stay super focused. I don’t know if you had this experience when you were writing your book, but sometimes I stand up at the end of those two hours and I’m like, I must have been sitting weird, my foot’s gotten numb. Or like, I really have to go to the bathroom. You just get in the flow and you’re just so focused. Having those blocks of time can be so powerful.
[00:46:09] Detective Ev: I did have that. But I was more constantly just amazed too of like, oh, this is really what I can do in two, three hours of my time here when I’m actually focusing.
And again, I think that’s a unique experience to today’s world. Because obviously you can type way faster than you can write. I’m like a nerd typer. It’s ridiculous. So, I’m flying through this.
And not every day is going to be a great day with writing. Some days you sit there, and you write 200 words in a two-hour period cause you’re just blocked. Other days it’s like, okay, I wrote a couple thousand words today and this is half decent. Like this is a fraction of my book done in two hours, basically minus the editing that needs to be done.
Personal Development: Making Realistic Goals
These are unique things of today’s world. Sometimes less is more. Just start with an hour. If I can just focus for a solid hour, get into that habit.
I hope people are realizing what you’re saying. You have a routine here. It’s the candle, the headphones on, a specific place of your house, no distractions. You are training your brain to be like, when we do this, this is the activities we do. We work. Versus, upstairs and I don’t have the phone, I’m going to bed. It’s proven, this is good for your brain to do. I recommend anyone do that, especially if they’re newer to the entrepreneurship thing.
One question I gotta sneak in. Especially as a high achieving person, how do you teach clients to make realistic goals? Because there’s a real fine line here. There are people that will make a goal that they know that they can achieve, I tell them, that’s not a goal, that’s a to-do list.
Let’s say someone’s making six figures, $8,600 a month, roughly. I’m going to make $8,600 this month. Well, if you’re already doing that, that’s just to do, that’s not a goal. Versus, let’s say I’m making whatever bottom line, $100,000 dollars a year. Now, I want to make $300,000 in a year, but I don’t really have a real plan. It’s probably unrealistic if I’m doing that in a year, but I set that cause it sounds good.
Somewhere between the literal $100,000, $8,600 a month versus the $300,000 is probably something where I do need to push myself. I need to become a more intelligent version of me, more knowledgeable, to achieve that. But I also don’t want to undercut myself where I know I’m going to get that raised this year.
Personal Development: Getting Quiet with Yourself
How do you help people create healthy goals that are realistic, but also push you?
[00:48:17] Kate House: I love that question. I think it involves getting quiet with yourself first.
As a coach, especially, the person who knows your client best is your client, I really encourage people to tune out of all the noise. Take out your earbuds, go for a walk by yourself. Really start to think and feel into it. I’m a huge advocate of like, I’m such a heart-centered person. Like, feel into the goal, right?
Don’t set the goal that’s expected of you. Don’t set an arbitrary goal that you’re like, maybe that $300,000 isn’t actually attainable this year. Right? Let’s think about what is something that makes you excited to show up? What is something that makes you excited to work hard? Something that makes you excited to work at 6:00 AM right? If I weren’t so passionate about the work that I do and the women that I touch and support, I wouldn’t be doing it at six in the morning. So, get in touch with that thing that really lights you up.
Then the other thing that I would suggest is like, take the time to write the goals for yourself and then get in community with people who are working towards something similar. That’s why I have a group coaching program, cause these women are elevating each other together. They’re creating relationships, they’re creating accountability. They’re in community.
That’s why I’m in a mastermind for podcasters. Get in community with the people who are maybe that step or two ahead of you, who can lift you up as well. That would be my suggestion is like, don’t be a silo. Don’t go at alone.
Personal Development: Finding Likeminded Support
Pick something that lights you up that even on the days when you don’t feel like doing it, because you won’t feel like it every day, you’re still going to show up because it’s meaningful and personal to you. Then get in circles with people, whether that’s listening to their podcast, reading their book, joining the mastermind, hiring the coach, whatever that looks like. You can decide what that is.
I mean, I’m in a podcasting mastermind. It’s free. It’s three of us women who are podcasters and we’re in a Voxer chat together. We check in with each other every week. That’s something that we can do to grow, support, and learn together, and it’s totally free. Or you can go do a paid program, whatever that looks like for you.
But don’t limit yourself by thinking, I don’t have the finances to do that. Cause there’s so many ways you can do this for free. Surround yourself with those people who are doing that thing that you’re working towards so that you can feel encouraged and inspired along the way.
[00:50:25] Detective Ev: Kate, where can people find you? I’m realizing more and more as you’re talking, I thought it was only going to maybe connect with one side of our audience, which is fine. But now I’m like, it’s actually both, because whether someone is on a health journey actively trying to heal it, they could benefit from you. Or if it’s someone that actually kind of has mastered the health stuff and now they’re on the business side, I think you would help them just as readily with some of the stuff that you offer there.
So, where can people find you if they’re interested in learning more about the programs and working with you?
Where to Find Kate House
[00:50:50] Kate House: Well, thank you so much for this time. It’s been such a pleasure. I always pinch myself that like I get to do this for my work.
But absolutely, if you are a podcast lover, which I’m sure you are, since you’re tuning in here, you can find me over at the Live by Design Podcast. It’s hosted by me, Kate House.
My last name is House, just like a house. It’s too easy. My website is mskatehouse.com. And I’m over on Instagram. I’m active over there at mskatehouse. Apparently, there’s another Kate House out there in the world so that’s why I’m Ms. Kate House. So, slide into my DMs.
I love starting conversations with people. And if you ever want to connect for coaching or if you need a group environment, the LBD Collective is a really beautiful place to start.
Thank you so much for having me. This is such a pleasure.
[00:51:34] Detective Ev: Yeah, likewise. Thanks for coming on.
And guys, you always know what we say, especially when it’s a newer topic. If you enjoy content like this, reach out to us directly on Instagram. We have real people, not chatbots, at fdntraining. Just say, I really appreciated this, or, stick to the health stuff. But I have a strong feeling that if I enjoyed this and I’m in the FDN community, I don’t know how they wouldn’t.
It’s nice too because you still learn something here. But it’s not so technical with the functional health stuff that I need to be like having, you know, my brain rocked every single sentence. I can learn without having to go super sciencey. It’s a nice mix and a nice change up. And we appreciate you coming on. Thank you.
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